Jordan Gray says that anything resembling ‘dirty talk’ makes most people clam up instantly, but it doesn’t have to be an intimidating habit to pick up.
—–
If you’re having sex in silence, you’re not alone.
Countless couples have expressed their frustration to me at not knowing how to be vocal in bed, or that their partner is dead silent and they have no idea what’s going on in their head.
First off, if you have absolutely no desire to talk dirty, then you shouldn’t. But that being said, being loud is way more fun, and I always encourage people to push their boundaries a little, in any situation.
Vocalizing in bed is a great way to indicate when things are going well. It reaffirms to your partner that you’re having a good time and it allows them to give you more of the things you enjoy. Otherwise they’re just driving around aimlessly, without a map.
Also, when it comes to sex with a partner you are committed to, being vocal will not only create a safe environment for communication; it may also create emotional momentum that can release built up tension. Once you let your mind know that it’s alright to express yourself you’ll suddenly forget that you’re making any noise at all. The important thing is to not hold anything back.
Many people find it uncomfortable to make any sort of sound during sex. A lot of the time they’re worried they won’t say the right thing or their partner will get turned off by a weird noise and lose interest. But, I can assure you, if you are in a loving relationship with a supportive partner, it’s going to take a little more than an accidental snort to get rid of them… and who knows, maybe you’ll stumble onto a new fetish.
Start Alone
The best way to ease yourself into the idea of getting loud, is trying it out when no one is watching. I suggest that you give it a whirl during masturbation.
Start with small moans and sighs before you work your way up to words. Try using simple statements like “that feels so good” or “yeah, right there” the only person who could get offended is you.
Everyone has their own style. Are you more dominant and more aggressive? Are you a playful tease? Do what works for you.
Welcome Weirdness
This will be an awkward process. You might as well accept that now.
You’re not just going to sound like a porn star overnight (nor is that necessarily your goal). Things are going to come out of your mouth that are going to make you laugh at yourself. But this is how we learn things. Through trial and error. So as long as you push through the awkwardness, there is a valley of sexy catch phrases awaiting you on the other side.
Tell Them What You Like
Ok. Now you’re ready to add in a partner.
The simplest way to talk dirty during sex is just to tell them what you like, and what you want more of.
If they do something you like, tell them. “That feels good.” “I like that.” Etc.
You can also give direction. “Faster,” “Slower,” “Harder,” “Softer,” (Sounds like a Daft Punk song).
This is a really good start. It allows you to hear your own voice during sex. What it sounds like and what it feels like to be vocally engaged as well as physically.
In the end, your partner doesn’t really care what you say in the moment. It will all sound sexy to them, and on the off chance that something really strange comes out of one of your mouths; don’t be afraid to just laugh at it. Sex doesn’t have to be serious business.
Taking Things To The Extreme
The important thing to remember is that your bedroom is a safe space. You should be able to say and do things without fear of rejection, embarrassment, or guilt.
And I don’t just mean from your partner. I mean from yourself.
If you like to be called a ‘dirty whore’ in bed and have someone violently toss you around for a few hours, it doesn’t mean you can’t be a feminist (regardless of if you’re a male or female).
If you like your partner to dress up like a schoolgirl and tell you what a bad girl she’s been, it doesn’t make you a pedophile.
For many people, it’s often the least politically correct things that are the most erotic.
Be your weird, twisted, sexy self behind closed doors… or with open doors… or against a door… whatever way you like your doors, be loud and proud about it.
–
If you liked this post then you might also love checking out:
How To Cultivate Light And Dark Sexual Energy
5 Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Own (Seriously)
–
You can read more of Jordan’s writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com
Photo courtesy of DollarPhotoClub.com
The post How To Be More Vocal During Sex appeared first on The Good Men Project.