Sketch: Pavithra Kalkura
Relationships are hard work. No one has it easy, not even the ones who may make it appear so. There are several reasons for relationship breakdowns; we all are acutely familiar with them. You can drift apart, you may discover that you actually don’t have much in common, other priorities take over—be it career, children, other passions (may or may not include other people).
However, behind these and other relationship issues is one common factor—lack of communication.
Keeping communication channels open is a joint responsibility of both partners, but men and women communicate differently. Sometimes, it feels like we might as well be from two different galaxies, not even planets. So here are some tips in trying to learn each other’s language:
Nagging is not communication
Telling a man the same thing incessantly does not mean you are having a conversation. It implies you are providing background techno music, or any kind that he does not appreciate. Instead of reminding him to pay the utilities bill or walk the dog, spilt your chores half-way down to the middle and then let it be. If he forgets, he forgets. He will remember it the next time. Yes, it does mean you need to give up control…and hold that tongue.
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We all need a break from each other once in a while.
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Balancing agreement and argument
Men, you neither have to agree to avoid disagreement nor argue to win. Having differing points of view is what makes us unique individuals. Embrace the difference, but don’t be afraid to talk about them. At the end of the talk, agree to disagree, but with a smile. And as cliched as it sounds, never ever go to bed angry. Bed time is equal to kiss and make up. You can resume glaring at each other the next morning, if you really want to, but you will find yourself less inclined to do so.
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Finding the time
Yes, you work 12 hours and then come home to irritable kids and perhaps a messy home. Yeah, she is passionate about her career or a cause which takes up her energy, and what’s left of her is sucked out by the children. However, in all this busyness and perpetual exhaustion, you simply have to carve time for each other.
Routines help. After dinner, while she puts the kids to sleep and you load the dishwasher (or the other way around depending on your task list for the month), spend 30 to 60 minutes with each other. Watch your favourite show (and it can be reruns of MASH or Friends*, no one’s judging), or share the day’s experiences, or read in bed, or ideally indulge in other activities that involve the bed (though if you are doing that every night, you don’t need to waste your time on this article).
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Don’t belittle one another. A little respect goes a long way.
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Spending time apart
Girls night out, Boys golfing weekend, holidays with your parents, all work well in the grand scheme of things. We all need a break from each other once in a while. You come back refreshed, rejuvenated and with tons of stories and/or complaints to share with your better half. There is nothing like watching your single friend trying to score with girls so obviously out of his league for you to realize how blissful it is to have a constant partner.
But make sure this time apart does not become an escape. A steady relationship should not be a prison you need to run away from. It should be a safe haven that lets you distance yourself from it, but to which you come back, seeking the familiar embrace of the one you love.
Beyond words
Be it a morning kiss, a bear hug, a passionate liplock or even a chaste peck on the cheek, don’t stop expressing your affection after the honeymoon is over. There is nothing sweeter than watching old couples hold hands, or kids shut their eyes in disgust when their parents kiss in front of them. Let your kids feel your love. Let them see the respect you have for each other. Don’t belittle one another. A little respect goes a long way. It will teach your children how relationships are preserved and nurtured.
So start putting those lips to work. To talk, to smile and yes—to kiss.
*if your TV watching habits—like mine—include Narcos, How to get away with Murder, and House of Cards, then don’t watch TV as part of daily bonding.
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The post Use Those Lips—To Talk, To Smile, To Kiss appeared first on The Good Men Project.